This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
