some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
only you would photoshop your dick
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
