she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
