so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
