you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
