Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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