After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
