Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
