Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
