I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
