I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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