So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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