I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
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