Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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