How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I came so hard my ears popped.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
