roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need water and some morals
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
