you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
