You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
