your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
