You're my little dorito
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
