I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So many bounce houses so little time
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
