Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
