then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
