Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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