Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
