The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
