i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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