OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
