Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
