he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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