I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i drank out of a bidet.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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