Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
