I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My pussy is not your playground.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
