Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
