He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
