I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
