This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
