you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
