he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Bring me that man meat
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
