Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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