just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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