Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
