im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
