If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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