You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
