this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
