I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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