Whatcha textin bout Willis?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
