I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
