There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
