On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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