if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
