i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
