so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
