I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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